Okay, so there are these three terms that make me feel awkward. It’s partly the words themselves or the topics they conjure up, I’m not quite sure. Either way, there’s nothing more fun that writing about awkward topics, right!? I was meaning to write something about them individually but it spreads out the limelight somewhat if I bundle them together.
I’ll present them in reverse order of them falling on my ears and conscience and try and decipher why they cause me unease, hoping not to offend anyone in the process. I’ve been accused in the past of having strange notions about such topics.
#1 “Coming out”
In an age, and a society, where it has become generally no big deal to be ‘batting for the other team’, so to speak, I find it weird that one has to “come out of the closest” or profess ones’ partner preferences when they aren’t your typical male-female setup.
Is it just how things are portrayed on TV perhaps? I can vaguely recall soaps where characters decided they were gay and had to profess or confess to their parents, and that this somehow filtered through to some unwritten requirement in the real world, where guys would have to have the awkward talk with their parents, should they feel this way, all with the fear of being disowned, or laughed out of town by their mates.
By adhering to the whole coming out thing it just perpetuates the whole ‘being that way inclined’ as something wrong, like “hi, my name is Brian and I’m an addict…” Just be however you want to be, why explain yourself if it’s something good? From how I perceive sexuality, I think it’s all pretty fluid with some of us more rigidly aligning ourselves to the physical bodies we were born into than others. That being said, my harsher viewpoint is that if we were all in same-sex relationships then the human race would be no more, so male-female relationships are the natural choice, but something causes some of us (and in increasing number it seems) to go against that.
This is a word I was pondering a lot last year, so much so that I watched a few Youtube videos on the topic and read a few blog articles on it also. Some of these were by actual psychologists, but either way, and weirdly enough, all too often the person doing the explaining as to what and who to look out for (such as ex’s), came across as narcissistic to me. This is probably why I took this long to mention this topic on my blog; I became self-conscious about any of my own tendencies as they might be perceived as such by others as narcissistic. Is narcissism on the rise? Is it something that is promoted while at the same time despised? Having said that, I think this is one of those spectrum things where we’re all pretty much on it somewhere; after all, you have to understand narcissistic tenancies to spot them. I find the very word to be ugly and I’m tempted to retype it as N@rc!$$!$m just to disguise it, but that’s not too pretty either.
I was using Google to assist my ponderings regarding internet addiction just this week and it suggested a website called Nofap. If you don’t know what the term Fap is then perhaps you might want to gloss over this one, but the very topic is very cringe-worthy to me even though I came across it many years ago when I was signed up to a social networking website site that had a forum, in which the topic of a “Fap Free February” came up. The Nofap website, I discovered, is basically just all about that very topic and internet and porn addiction which often go hand-in-hand. Really it’s sad to read about people struggling with any such addiction and how it becomes all consuming; in the end though I think some people are kept at risk because they talk about it so much, I mean, if I’m trying to give up coffee, thinking about the cup I’m not having today is not going to be helpful; focusing on what I want in my life instead, is.
That such a thing is talked about so openly possibly highlights the very issue it ultimately seeks to address: that certain things like this, which are sniggered about by many, are also considered to be normal and okay, while on the other hand deeply harmful to individuals and society as a whole. Some people don’t see such a thing as a problem, but from someone else’s perspective they might have a very real problem.
Pornography is something that has existed way before the internet did, and it is only recently that I have come to realise that it begins with something seemingly so very innocuous and then perpetuates into the world of the Weinsteins and Allens; it’s another spectrum thing. To be appalled and disgusted by such high-profile cases can lead one to miss the point that people who have lost themselves to such things are human beings also; “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone” I say. I worry that talking about such things only makes people think about it more, like that cup of coffee or that bar of chocolate we don’t want to consume today, especially if one isn’t careful about how they approach such subjects.
Incidentally, someone who I discovered on Youtube last year, who has talked about this topic and other harmful tendencies and habits we might have is “John St Julien Baba Wanyama“. He seems to do this in very thoughtful and caring manner and he has opened my mind on a number of topics that have been of interest to me in the past, topics that I never thought would be related, such as the concept of “Christ within” and the Ark of the Covenant being something within us also. I’ve become increasingly cautious about how much I buy into what such clear speakers have to say, avoiding those speaking from a position of ego, and dare I say, narcissism; I’m thinking about bringing together some of John’s topics (in my effort to not only consume but create, as he also suggests), and list particular Youtube channels I ‘sort of’ follow, so watch this space.
As always, feel free to share your views below and I look forward to hearing from you.