…let alone write.
Actually, my writing routine had slipped before things got busy, and I say routine in italics because it wasn’t like I would set a day and time to write something new, rather, I would have enough quiet days and other routines where an hour or two could just slip into place; I’ve never found it possible to plan to write, instead I just need to allow myself the freedom to.
Having my computer switched on and ready and waiting to receive my typed words is one thing, and instead I’ve been trying to leave it off until I need it for work, or I’m in a sit back and relax and stare at a screen and watch something mood, especially after some busy days of work, and I’ve had a few of those recently. That perhaps all started back in June when I found myself binging on Youtube.
Since then I had another month of Youtube binging (I guess I needed to get that out of my system) and then I had a month free of Amazon Prime, so more binging there. I wanted to write a bit more about some of the things I had watched, and some things pertaining to them sit in my Drafts folder; perhaps I’ll spam my blog after I’ve got through with this post (you have been forewarned). A couple of weeks ago my sister leant me a small pile of DVDs to watch and I’m gradually working my way through those now. DVDs take me a while because I don’t always watch one in a single sitting, I rarely watch anything in a single-sitting, and then I like to watch any extras there might be, and if there’s commentary too, then I have to watch the whole thing again – I guess you could be looking at a week or two by the time I’m done with a movie. Then I get writer’s anxiety since whatever I have watched is unlikely to be anything current and therefore on few people’s radar, so why bother sharing my views about it if it’s old news?
Why bother writing about anything? The more I watch, and the more I read (because I’ve still been doing that too), the more I get a sense that these things are just about someone else sharing their world-view, and in the case of my blog, mine, even if it’s something fictional like a film or novel. And I’ve started to get this idea that perhaps we’re all here to figure out the world for ourselves, like right back to my topics on the flat-earth stuff; whether someone else believes something or not, how does that affect your world? The same with news and politics; whether the UK has a crunchy or soggy breakfast – what difference does it make to me? The counter view to this is that we’re a global community; we have friends and family and neighbours, near or far, to influence and perhaps we have a duty to do that in a positive and beneficial way for all (especially when there are negative influences to overcome). In fact, I’m still working my way through some booklets the Jehovah’s Witnesses gave me last year, and in one I was reading a chapter of last night, I read about the book of Genesis and how God created the earth, and how he created man in his image and told him to
live long and prosper go forth an multiply and “have in subjection the fish of the sea and the flying creatures of the heavens and the domestic animals and all the earth and every moving animal that is moving upon the earth.” (Genesis 1:26 taken from the JW’s booklet titled ‘Is there a Creator who cares about you?’).
Incidentally, I have recently acquired a cat. He’s two years old and he was in need of a quiet home to rest and recover from some cuts and scrapes. This is my first cat although I grew up always having a cat or three in the home, but not since I moved into my own place a few years ago. I wanted to get the DIY finished first before I intentionally let a creature loose within my abode, but that’s never-ending, and his need came first (his alternative was to be stuffed in a loft in a strange house where five other cats and two dogs reside, and that didn’t sound too relaxing to me). It has been a new experience sharing my home with another creature, and even the concept of it being my home one to contemplate. I’ve thought about how it’s his world too, some might have the belief that they’re here to lord it over everything and everyone around them but I tend to er on the side of, we’re all equal, all things more-or-less, and this cat has a right to his freedoms, even if I’m the one that feeds him and replenishes his litter tray. It has been fun to learn his little routines; how he likes to scratch something after eating; and rather than tell him off for making that something my cupboard door (because racing down my stairs with an angry voice every time I heard the tell-tale sounds didn’t work) I moved his scratching post to that area from the lounge (where he was at first using my windowsill and the net curtains there as a stretching area).
So things got a little busy. This made me think how other people are constantly more busy than me. How near-impossible it would be to stop and think, to ponder the world for what it is and how it is on a personal level for other people let alone myself, and let alone have the chance to write about it, to share it. I can see how people have no time for anything beyond the go-go-go, how this hinders any chance to think outside that box, how they just go with that flow, following the herd, seeking, chasing, no energy left for themselves. Maybe this is what such work is designed to do, and how binging on You-Flix whilst consuming a regurgitated microwave “meal” feels like the only relief. When I have a few busy days in a row my head starts to spin with what work I’ve done, and what’s left to do; clients to juggle, what time and where I need to be whilst also being somewhere else. It’s difficult not to be my cheerful and chilled out self, how I like to be, with my clients let alone family and cats. I imagine someone asking if I can’t see them sooner and me replying with “sure, if you can bend time and space [because I’m still figuring out how to do that].” I’m thankful I don’t have a regular and hectic 9-5 that I have to turn up for 5 days a week, even if the pay might be better, but when my days are never the same it’s a challenge, quite a fun one when I reflect on it, but when busy and in that mindset… it’s like I’m drifting away from this opportunity to just sit down and ponder (to live), and write.